What I Was
by dragongirl5k5
Summary: I was a lonely young boy with a tortured existence. I had no parents, no friends,I was completely alone. Why was I hated so much? What made me so different? What was I? A prologue to What I've Become. From Naruto's point of view as a child.


This is just a little look into Naruto's life as a child. Supposed to be kinda sad and a bit of spoilers but not really. It's basically a prologue to my story 'What I've Become.' Or it could be read alone. Reviews would be like giving a teddy bear to a child without a penny to their name. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Do I look rich or Japanese? I don't think so.

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_But his own guilty mind deserving death._

_Is then unjust to each his due to give?_

_Or let him die that loathsome living breath?_

_Or let him die at ease that lived here uneath?_

_-Cave of Despair by Edmund Spenser_

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Why don't any of them look at me? They never even bother to acknowledge me. But why? Did I do something bad?

And when they do look at me all I get are those cold, hateful stares. Never a smile, never a look of kindness, just hatred.

Some people would whisper to each other when I walked by and some would sneer at me. Others would spit in my path causing me to jog away.

For awhile I just kept trying to understand why. I was only eight years old. What could I have done to them? No one ever bothered to explain it to me either, since I didn't have a family.

I never let it show but it hurt a lot not having anyone. There's no one to teach you manners, no one to cook your favorite food, no one to help you train, no one to comfort you.

It's always just me. Sometimes I wonder who my parents were and what they did. I used to daydream about my dad being a powerful shinobi that went on dangerous and exciting missions.

And everyone respected him because he was so strong. He would play ball with me, teach me awesome jutsus, and take me to Ichiraku's for ramen!

I imagined my mom being a really pretty lady who was always kind. She was a ninja too but stayed home most of the time to take care of me. She would be a great cook, help me train, and smile and hug me.

Those daydreams are the only thing I have. It's kind of sad that I'm so desperate for human contact. No one ever tried to reach out to me so how am I supposed to reach back?

I think it's all unfair. Maybe that's a little childish, but guess what? I _am_ a child! Don't they realize that? I'm a kid growing up having to raise himself in a village where everyone is disgusted with him.

But it's not only the adults, it's the kids older ones sometimes taunt me and call me a _freak._ The younger ones and kids my age don't even bother to notice me.

But I need someone to notice me! I want someone to see me! I just want somebody, anybody to acknowledge me. To notice that I actually exist.

That's why I do stupid stuff and get in trouble. So they yell at me and call me brat or a troublemaker but it doesn't phase me. As long they notice me, then I'm okay.

I just smile and smirk as the kids laugh at me. But on the inside I'm in so much pain. They wouldn't be laughing if they knew what it was like to be alone. They can't understand the pain I hide behind my mask and they never will.

I just sit on my swing and watch them play because no one would ever ask me to play with them. As it starts to get dark their parent come by to take them home.

One girl named Sakura ran up and grabbed her dad's hand. He smiles down at her and then glances up at me. His smile changes into a scowl and he hurries his daughter away.

And I just sigh and sink further into my utter despair. What did he think I was going to chew her head off? What a bastard.

Was I the only one alone? Not anymore. Sasuke Uchiha, the kid with the best grades in class and my rival. I just found out that his whole clan and family were killed. So now he was alone, just like me. And it's such a relief.

But then I see how everyone in class thinks he so cool. How all the girls fawn over him favor him. I see how everyone respects and admires him, while they won't even look at me.

That's when I see we're not quite the same. What really makes me angry is that he acts ao stuck up and annoyed because people like him! Do you know I would do to be in his place? To be liked by everyone and always breeze through my class.

I'm sorry that your family was killed but that don't mean you can act like a dick towards everyone. At least you _had_ a family, and _have_ memories of them. All I have are nightmares.

It would be completely dark. And then light would explode from out of no where. Suddenly there was fire everywhere burning across the village. I could hear buildings crumbling, and bones breaking. Ninjas were battling and villagers were fleeing. Children were crying and I could even hear the leaves rustling.

Then I saw it. A monster attacking the village. It was the nine tailed fox. A blood thirsty demon that strikes fear in the strongest of fighters. I could hear hundreds of shinobi and people screaming in agony right before their gruesome deaths.

Then for some reason I heard a baby crying. The crying would continue for the entire dream in crescendo. I vaguely hear a soft female voice. It's calm and soothing, like the waves in the water. She's saying something to me but I'm not sure what it mean. _"Naruto, you're the destined child. The rest is up to you."_ Then her voice would fade away.

That's when the demon turned towards me. He would growl and snarl with the blood dripping from his fangs. I would scream as he started coming towards me. That's when I would hear another voice. It's strong and comforting, yet soft like the wind. _"I'm sorry Naruto. But I will always protect you. I believe in you."_

But I can only hear bits and pieces of in because there's too much noice. The beast is howling, the people are screaming, the ground is shaking and that poor baby is crying even louder. I can feel the beast coming towards me as I cover my ears to avoid the roar of the battle. I scream for help until my lungs ache.

As tears begin to slip out of my eyes the demon lunges forward to devour me. Then suddenly a bright light came and an immense power seemed to swallow up the monster. The Kyuubi roared in defeat as the infant's scream pierced the air, and the sound was so heart wrenching it would've scarred your soul. That's when a burning pain in my stomach would cause everything to go dark.

"Dad, Mom! The fox is gonna get me!!!" Is what I awoke screaming. My hand came up to cover my mouth as I felt warm tears cascading down my face. I don't even know why I had cried out for my parents, or anybody for that matter. No one was in this empty apartment to comfort me.

I began to shiver as the room seemed to feel very cold. I hugged myself tightly and wrapped the thin blanket around myself. I could hear the rain pouring outside the window. It was only a nightmare. But...it felt so real. Alomst like it was a memory. No, that can't be. I mean, why would I have a memory like that?

But sometimes I wish that voice were real. I wish there was someone to protect me, someone to take my pain away. And sometimes I just wish I was dead. In a way I wasn't alive at all. My heart would still beat and my lungs would still breathe and yet....

I just feel so dead on the inside. There's no one in this world that needs me and no one wants me. My existence is a mystery even to myself. So, why do I keep living? What am I to the world?

I once though about cutting myself just to see if I would bleed. Just to see if I was human. Just to find out if I was like everyone else. Did I bleed a different color, or would I bleed at all?

Is it a crime to live? Is it a sin to be different? Is it so horrible that I was born? Why is my life this way? Why am I so badly mistreated? Why is my fate so lonely and painful? What makes me so different?

Questions that I wouldn't have answers to for four years. Maybe one day when I have those answers my life will be different. Until then I'll be living like this for years as a being a lonely boy in a cold, dark hellhole.

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Well there you have it. The ending wasn't as good as I would've liked it to be but it wasn't half bad. Reviews would be wonderful as long as they're kind. I apologize for any mistakes. Thank you for reading!


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